Monthly Archives: June 2012

The Moment of Silence Before The Return of Tremendous Sound

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I have been quiet here lately. I am in the “in between”. I feel like a caterpillar in the cocoon stage, and I’m not quite ready to step out and share my words. I have jumped off the proverbial cliff and I am in the precious and swift moments of glorious freefall. I am grinning with the excitement of it all, but I am not sure what the landing looks like yet. I’m letting it come, I’m trusting it to be whatever I need.

One thing I’ve always loved is driving in the rain, the moment when the car reaches an overpass. And you go from the sound of torrential downpour to complete silence for just a few seconds. Then back to what seems like tremendous sound. That is where I am, in the sweet silence that only lasts a short while, enjoying it before the moment passes.

So in the meantime, let me share with you a passage that I read the other day from a book called “What I Wish For You” by Patti Digh:

“Experience. Dream. Risk. Close your eyes and jump. Enjoy the free fall. Choose exhiliration over comfort. Choose magic over predictability. Choose potential over safety.

Wake up to the magic of everyday life. Make friends with your intuition. Trust your gut. Discover the beauty of uncertainty. Know yourself fully before you make promises to another.

Make millions of mistakes so that you will know how to choose what you really need. Know when to hold on and when to let go. Love hard and often and without reservation.

Seek knowledge. Open yourself to possibility. Keep your heart open, your head high, and your spirit free. Embrace your darkness along with your light. Be wrong every once in a while, and don’t be afraid to admit it. Awaken to the brilliance in ordinary moments.

Tell the truth about yourself no matter what the cost. Own your reality without apology. See goodness in the world. Be bold. Be fierce. Be grateful. Be wild, crazy, and gloriously free. Be you.

Go now, and live.”

Women’s Lunar Wisdom

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Last night, my friend Aubrey and I hosted a Women’s Lunar Wisdom circle at the studio. A group of us gathered, and we spoke about what the energy of the New Moon and the Summer Solstice were bringing into our lives. I thought that I would share with you some of what we discussed.

We have been experiencing a lot of energetic shifts in the Universe lately- with so many unique and rare planetary events taking place. This week, we are experiencing the New Moon in Gemini (yesterday) and then today is the Summer Solstice and the sun has shifted into Cancer.

What is a solstice? It means “sun stands still”- so the sun rises and sets in the same place for three days. This time gives us pause to reflect on all that we have accomplished since the Winter Solstice. To climb up on the proverbial mountain and look back over the path that we have taken- recognizing all that we have been through. It is also time to set the stage for the next few months, setting our intentions going forward.

New Moon is a time for manifestation. It is also a time for setting our intentions, sending the Universe a message about what it is that we are calling into our lives. Because the New Moon and the Solstice are happening so close together, there is an extremely high level of energy around our power of manifestation right now. The Law of Attraction is most definitely at play in a strong way. What you think about the most is what you will manifest in your life, and what you believe will materialize is what you will actualize. Be very aware of your thought patterns, any loops that run through your mind regularly. Are you focusing on what you do want, or focusing on what you don’t want? Shift your thoughts to focus on what you want to manifest, or else you will be calling the things you don’t want to materialize in your life. You are much more powerful than you may realize in determining what happens in your world, and it is essential to be aware of what you are creating.

Being in Gemini, this New Moon was unique because it was the second in a row that fell under Gemini. The energy of this particular moon has a lot to do with communication- looking at how we can improve our communication, both with ourselves and with others. Because the Solstice is the following day, the energy of Gemini will come with us through the fall. Gemini is all about playfulness, fun, adaptability, creativity, and lively energy.

The Solstice today is under the sign of Cancer, which is all about self-care, love, releasing ego, and home/family life. Now is the time to stop making excuses, and begin to make self-care a top priority in your life. Whatever it is that you can do to recharge your energy stores, you should invest time in- whether it’s a hot bath, a massage, a yoga class, a nap, some alone time, etc. Ask your body what it needs from you to feel better, and then see if you can say yes. It’s time to stop depleting your energy by giving it away to the people around you. Create clear boundaries for yourself, and learn to say no when someone requests too much of you.

Also, the planetary alignment beings up an opportunity for more clarity around ego- how ego limits our true expression of self. It is good to remember that however we are right now is absolutely perfect. There is no need to force ourselves to live up to some impossible ideal. Recognizing that we have already accomplished so much will help with this. Reflect on the ways that ego and the fear of failure may be holding you back from moving forward.

I love having the opportunity to gain a greater awareness of what is going on in the Universe so that I can look at how it may be showing up in my life. Most of the time, when I’m researching for these events, it’s like a bunch of light bulbs going off in my head! It’s amazing that so many aspects of the moon’s energy are already starting to appear in my thoughts, emotions, relationships, etc. I honestly believe that we are meant to live from a place of greater connection to the natural world, and we are truly affected by it whether we realize it or not!

Presence

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I was in the car yesterday morning, making the 45 minute drive to the studio for what felt like the millionth time. I was thinking about the classes that I was on my way to teach. Monday mornings start with Power Yoga at 9:30am, and it hasn’t been the most popular time slot lately. Apparently, nobody wants to get out of bed first thing on Monday morning and come in to sweat their @*$ off with me… So anyway, I was driving in and thinking about whether or not anyone was going to come to class that morning. Worrying. And I realized, that for all of my efforts to remain present, that was not what was happening for me in my regular day to day. It was such a habit to let my thoughts wander when I was driving, that I wasn’t allowing myself to be clear mentally and just DRIVE.

Now, when I teach lately, and when I practice, I’ve been focusing quite a bit on the concept of being present. What does it mean to be present? And how often are we actually accomplishing that?How does being present change our experience in life?

In our culture, we are taught that it is responsible to plan for the future. We think about what we will do next, when we will do it. We save for the future, when we might need extra money. And we are taught that if you are a “good” person, you will be planning ahead all of the time.

What does all of this focused thought on the future actually create in our lives?

For many of us, this is the source of constant stress, worry, fear, and doubt. We worry that something in the future could go wrong. That is a big one!! We stress about income and savings accounts, because we might get caught without money at some point in the future. Also, a very common stress. We are afraid that things will not go according to our plans. We let our thoughts run rampant and create all kinds of terrible possibilities that we then have to work to avoid.

The end result is that we spend so much time THINKING about the future, that we miss the moment we are actually in RIGHT NOW.

Time is the only truly finite resource we have. We will never get more of it, we only have so much. And once it is spent, we do not get it back.

So what would it have looked like for me to be present in the moment yesterday morning? I would have been paying full attention to driving. I would have been watching the road, letting the music that I had on enrich the experience, realizing how lucky I am to have another day. How lucky I am to be driving to a place where I can do my heart work. I would have been enjoying a beautiful moment.

When I look back on that morning, I think about how often this happens to me as a parent- I am distracted. And how my true desire is to be fully present with my family, all the time. It’s not that I will never plan for the future. I go to work, I earn money, I pay the bills. But I will not allow all of my thoughts to go there. Going forward, I choose to spend all the wonderful moments that I have with my family being truly present. Not thinking about what could come next, not worrying about the future, money, changes, moving, etc. I will gracefully let those thoughts go whenever they arise. Instead, I choose to enjoy the moment that I’m in right now.

A Few Of My Favorite Things…

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I was preparing to teach a class yesterday morning, and I pulled a book off the shelf at the studio to search for a quote to share. As the Universe would have it, the page that I opened to contained exactly the words that I needed to hear. Even though things like that happen frequently, I’m still so thrilled each time!

Here is what I read, from “Trust Your Vibes” by Sonia Choquette:

“Being passionate about life tends to change your vibration from one of resistance and defense to one of attraction and receptivity. When you love life, life loves you back– so when you dive into it with exuberance and joy, life will reach out and enthusiastically embrace you. The more you love life by fully engaging in what feeds your soul, the more you spread that love around, and in doing so you heal yourself and others.”

“Life lovers have incredible charisma and charm, drawing people to them because their vibration is so soothing and positive. But being such a person isn’t easy, nor is it an accident. It’s much easier to be cynical and dark and argue for why life is miserable. The ego loves to suffer– and the louder, the better. Lovers of life say no to this death sentence, making intentional choices to appreciate and enjoy the gifts that life offers.”

The writer proceeds to get further into the idea that the more you love life, the more that you draw to you everything you need. I’m reading this and realizing just how much this could apply to my life. I am stuck in the ego– stuck in the suffering mentality. At some point, I bought into the idea that I have to sacrifice all of my time and energy in order to run a successful business. It is time to break free and start enjoying life again!

At the end of the chapter, Choquette offers ways to bring this idea into your life:

“Focus on what makes you content and fills you with a sense of satisfaction. Once you identify what brings you joy, seek to indulge in it every day. The more you nurture your spirit, the more attractive to others your energy will be, drawing to you all you need. Stop being too responsible, and make room to have more sweet, soul-soothing moments. See how different life feels when you feed your soul and how differently people act towards you.”

This passage came to me the day after I completed my calendar, scheduling out every single minute of my time. Seriously, I was just showing one of the teachers how full it is, and we couldn’t stop laughing. How terrible! I’ve been telling myself that if I can go against my nature and work within a very specific set schedule, then perhaps I will lower my stress. The reality is, I hate being so strict with my time. And I feel like it limits my ability to live in the flow of life, and do whatever feels right in each moment. So I am back to the drawing board- looking at ways to live more freely and yet stay afloat.

In the meantime, I’m going to spend more time focusing on the joys that are present in my life. Here is a list of some of my favorite things:

- Kissing my little girl’s soft, chubby face. She is so sweet, I can’t get enough!

- Enjoying a chai latte on my way to the studio in the morning. Taking the time to give myself that gift of tasty goodness!

- Sitting quietly in meditation while my yoga students rest in savasana. Feeling their peace and relaxation, just holding space for them. Going within to find peace and relaxation myself.

- Baby snuggle time. Baby hugs. Baby drool kisses. Can’t. Get. Enough.

- Taking an extra-long, extra-hot bath at the end of a long day. Unwinding in silence and letting go of stress.

- Exploring the next level of my yoga practice and loving every minute of the challenge. The giggles that come when I fall down. The amazement that overtakes me when a new pose comes together for the first time!

- Seeing my husband and our baby cuddled up asleep together. They are so in love, could anything be cuter?

- Enjoying a really good vegan dessert. Because seriously, who doesn’t love dessert?

- Loving the people that I work with, the work that I am able to do, and the community that I support. The people who make up the Guru Momma family have no idea the gratitude that they bring me every day. I am so happy that they support what I love!

- Intense, deep conversations with my husband about all aspects of life. I am lucky enough to have my best friend with me every day of my life.

- The wonderful, supportive, kind, caring, joyful women that I am lucky to call friends. Women that inspire me, challenge me, call me out on what I need to see, make me laugh. So much love.

When was the last time that you made a list of your favorite things? Are you living from a place of loving life, or are you like I have been– a slave to responsibility, sacrificing myself every day to a strict schedule and starving your soul of the freedom you desire? What will it take to get back to the sweet, soul-soothing moments?

The Rat Race

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When I was growing up, I can remember my mother always complaining about the daily “Rat Race” that people in the working world were subjected to. I never thought much about where the phrase came from, or even thought to picture a bunch of rats racing off every day to do their jobs. Regardless, I think that I might be stuck in the “Rat Race” now.

I’m not sure where the last few days have gone! I’m serious. How did we get to Saturday? I have been running around like a maniac. Or, to use another of my mom’s favorite phrases, like a chicken with my head cut off. (Now that is a gross thing to actually picture!)

It doesn’t help that on top of two jobs and motherhood, I have been planning and executing travel with a baby, plus two birthday parties on opposite sides of the country. But beyond that- this seems to be a common theme in my life, being too busy to even stop and breathe…

And I’m growing concerned that this intensely busy schedule has become normal for me. I’ve been working at this pace for years now, and I didn’t even realize it. I am giving all of my time to the pursuit of livelihood, working to make ends meet with every second that I can manage to give.

What is the one thing that we give that we can never get more of? Time. Once it’s been spent, it’s gone. So all this time that I’ve been giving away? I won’t get it back. I can’t do it over. I want to stop, I want to have my time to myself again.

What is the first step? I’m not entirely sure at the moment. I’m open to any suggestions. The first step I’m planning to try is building out my calendar to include more strict scheduling of my time. Perhaps that will help me find the areas of waste. At least it’s a start.

Do you think that the only way to juggle a family and a business is to sacrifice any and all free time? There has to be a better way! Right? I sure hope so…

One Year Is Behind Us, Countless More Are Ahead

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My little munchie turns one today! In honor of her entry into the world last year, and the day that I became a mother, I’m going to share the story of her birth.

I woke up at 4:30am last June 1st to a contraction. I wasn’t sure if this was the real thing, but after three or four more waves, I got out of bed. I decided that I wanted to be alone for a while, so I let Eric sleep. I headed to the living room to bounce on my birth ball and listen to the Birthing Day Affirmations track. Secretly, I had been so excited just to listen to the “forbidden until you go into labor” recordings from the Hypnobabies program that I had been working with for months. Haha! Well, I was also pretty excited to have a baby too, I suppose!

So I peacefully bounced on the ball for a while, chanting my mantra of “open” over and over. I focused on relaxing into the pain, inviting it instead of trying to escape it. This pain would bring me my child, so it was welcomed. This is what I had been practicing my deep relaxation for. The time was finally here. I would be lying if I said that there wasn’t a part of me that was a little bit nervous about just what I was going to have to face before my baby arrived. But I felt calm at the same time, I really trusted that my body knew how to do this and that everything was going to be fine.

Things began progressing, each wave was getting stronger, so I woke Eric up at 5:30 or so. My midwife, Mary, had reminded me about a million times (with love, of course!) that it was important to eat during labor to keep my strength up. I tried to eat, but it wasn’t happening. We called Mary to give her a heads up that things were moving. She told my husband that it was still early and we could just stay home for a while, but to cometo the birth center  whenever I felt ready. In the meantime, I was pacing the house. Movement really helped me to stay focused, and it just felt good. I kept a hot compress against my low belly while I paced, and I even went and stood in the shower a few times. The water felt amazing, it was such a relief!

At about 7, I tried to eat again. I managed a few bites before the waves were coming so close together that I didn’t have time anymore. I was starting to get worried, because it had only been three hours since the start of labor, and I knew that with this being my first child, it could go on for a very long time. I thought to myself, “If this is early labor, I might really be screwed…” Finally, I told Eric that even though everyone seemed to think we should wait, it was time to go to the birth center. I knew that, if things got any more intense, I would never be able to handle the car ride there. We timed my contractions right before we left, and they were coming 2 minutes apart! I put my headphones on with a Hypnobabies track playing, and we were on our way.

We arrived at the birth center at 8 am. Mary checked me (the only time she did) and started filling the tub right away. She told me I was dilated to an 8 already. Wow! I was really surprised. (Once it was all said and done, she did tell me that I was actually fully dilated when she checked, but she didn’t want to say so. That was actually really perfect, because I was trying so hard to stay focused on the moment and only deal with one wave at a time. It was challenging to do, because my mind wanted to focus on how much time I had left, and hurry things up. Knowing that I was so close to the end would have made that a lot more difficult.) Once I got into the tub, I retreated into my own world. Every bit of focus was on staying calm and breathing through the experience, relaxing into the pain and allowing my body to progress. I was aware that there were people around me, but not in the usual way. It was like everyone was speaking to me through a wall, and while I felt their total support, I also felt alone. Not in a lonely way, but just from the sense of being totally enveloped in an experience that none of them could share. At some point, Eric got into the tub with me so I could lean on him to hold myself up. The feelings in my body started to change, and I just began to push. At first, I was afraid, but I just kept reminding myself to follow what felt right, to stay with the experience. I kept telling myself not to get too excited because it would still be a while before the baby was born. Then Mary told me to reach down, and I felt the baby’s head! Even then, I was still thinking I had a ways to go. The next push, her head was out! She came out with her eyes open. (Very appropriate, now that I know her personality. This girl doesn’t want to miss a thing!) One more push, and Mary was handing me my baby!!!

As I held her on my chest that morning, I can remember thinking “That wasn’t so bad, I could do that again!” Now, after a year of not sleeping, I’m happy to wait a little longer for a second baby… Either way, the last year of my life has been shaped by getting to know this tiny little person, and it has been amazing. She is teaching me so many important lessons, and I am so very happy to be in her life.